One of the rallying cries—and smarter marketing campaigns in recent history—for the Toronto Raptors is We The North.
There are red shirts, flags and chants as the Canadian fans cheer on their basketball heroes—only one Canadian on the team roster by the way—to history as the only team north of the 49th parallel to make the NBA finals and possibly win one for the land of Mounties, maple leafs, loons and beavers. We The North, indeed.
And now apparently there is another battle between two nations with consequences possibly much more important than any game involving behemoths stuffing rubber balls into hoops.
According to an article by Alanna Mitchell (no relation but it gives her credibility) in Maclean’s magazine, the magnetic North Pole is on a mission to Siberia and it’s moving so fast it will be under Russian rule in no time.
Now if you’re like me you didn’t even know the darn magnetic North Pole moved, no wonder my compass has been on the fritz lately, but geophysicists say underneath all that snow there’s a tug-of-war going on between strong magnetic patches at the outer core of the pole—one in the True North Strong and Free and one where Siberian Huskies come from (I assume).
Well, until now, we have won the head-to-head and the magnetic North Pole has been as Canadian as Anne Murray or Neil Young. But just like back in 1972 when we found out the Russians could play hockey much to our dismay, although we won anyway, scientists say the Soviet, er, Russian magnets suddenly have a stronger pull than our Canuck ones resulting in an inevitable slide into Siberia.
However, while scientists say this will happen sooner than later, I say we must do something to save this national treasure of international importance.
I know what U.S. President Donald Trump would do. He’d build a wall and make the Russians pay for it.
That might not work too well when it comes to magnetic fields and permafrost, but hey it’s action.
Then again he seems to like the Russians and might let them have the North Pole in exchange for another election victory.
I don’t trust Vladimir Putin anyway. He might have found some way to energize those magnetic patches (Energizer bunnies, perhaps) that have been losers all these years that are now winners and suddenly he’s King of the North Pole without firing a missile or dropping a puck. I can see his smug smile already.
It would be nice to blame Justin Trudeau for this loss of territorial significance and bragging rights but that might not be fair.
Then again, if SNC Lavalin had a North Pole division he would be on it like a cabinet minister on an expense account.
So it’s up to us average Canadians to do something about it as somebody’s livelihood is likely at stake. Although not quoted in the magazine story, how do you think the most famous resident of the North Pole and the jolliest Canadian of all feels about sliding into Siberia for goodness sake?
Mrs. Claus has already put her foot down about any kind of move after all these years, although Santa reassures her there’s no packing involved.
All those letters addressed Santa Claus, H0H 0H0, will go AWOL.
Switching from a Canadian passport to a Russian one may not only close some doors for the jolly, old elf, but it will slow him down considerably come Christmas Eve.
And speaking of elves, I’ve heard their working conditions aren’t always the best, they can’t get better in a place called Siberia.
It’s all pretty serious stuff.
Scientists say not to panic, that magnetic activity can change and Canada could take it back again just as fast as it lost it.
However, just like a sports team needs encouragement, I think we need to let the magnetic North Pole (there are three other North Poles by the way, but that’s for another day) know we are proud to claim it as Canadian and maybe that positive energy will assist the magnetic patches on this side of the border.
So as soon as the Raptors are done (I mean win) let’s take those shirts and posters and flags and add a four-letter word to the slogan: We The North Pole.
And let’s chant from coast to coast to coast and keep it Canadian. We The North Pole, indeed. Take that Siberia.
Glenn Mitchell is the former editor of the Vernon Morning Star.