Sports

Big game in the Big Easy

Don’t have anything big planned later today. No problem. Tune into the XLVII (adds up to 47) Super Bowl at 3:30 for what should be an epic game.

And even if you don’t know football, you can still be the life of the party. Buy a square or two on the outcome. Spike the punch. Upgrade the brownies. Bet on the game. Sabotage the cable feed.

The amazing East Hill man cave I’m heading to has to remain a secret. Huuugge projector screen, similar to the one Saskatchewan Roughrider Hall of Famer Lawrie Skolrood has at his place, two big TV screens, music videos, beer fridge, drum set, comfy stools and a club-style bar (although kegs have been ordered). It’s five-star.

I was asked to make a caesar salad. Sure, I’ll Google the ingredients and take care of it. I’m also in charge of the game pools so will be drinking Diet Cokes as I collect toonies for party co-host Scott Simpson.

For the record, I’m taking the Niners (guys in the red) to stop the Ravens (dudes in purple) 31-21. So that means Jim Harbaugh and not his brother John, will hoist the Guy Lombardo, er Vince Lombardi Trophy around 7:11 tonight.

Esquire Magazine’s Matthew Kitchen wrote a few online paragraphs called ‘The Idiot’s Guide to Super Bowl 47.’

Writes Kitchen, who is taking Baltimore 27-24: “The Quarterbacks. Colin Kaepernick: multiracial, young, exciting. Joe Flacco: white, dull, effective.

“Harbaughs. John Harbaugh: Ravens coach, older, former college defensive back, calm, calculating. Jim Harbaugh: 49ers coach, younger, former NFL QB, might kill his own players.

Jack and Jackie: Will love both their sons the same no matter the outcome.

“Linebackers: Ray Lewis: the one dancing and crying. Aldon Smith: the good one.

“Kickers: Who cares?”

“Halftime Show: Beyoncé, possibly even singing this time.”

Adding further colour to the whole Super Bowl circus is 97-year-old Joe Sepidi, whose grandsons are the coaches going head to head this afternoon. Wonder if he’s put any money down? And can he stay awake for the whole game?

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is taking restaurant and bar signs, showing his photograph with the words, ‘Do Not Serve This Man,’ in stride.

Goodell is of course disliked by some folks in New Orleans after he reprimanded the Saints for their pay-to-injure program from 2009-11. His decision on the bounty system was good for the game.

OK, let’s get on with the game already. Niners win 31-21. LaMichael James MVP.

For other predictions from all over town, please read on...

Devin (Big Country) Rodger: “Ravens win 30-17. Ravens’ defence rallies behind big-play Ray and send him into the Hall of Fame with a Super Bowl ring.”

Ryan Nitchie: “Ravens 23-17. Kaepernick folds his giraffesque legs under pressure of world’s biggest sports spectacle. Flacco cool and calm. Lewis gets 10 tackles to cap a great career.”

Trevor Seibel: “49ers 31-21...cause Kaepernick can run like Usain Bolt.”

Chris Bader: “A sleepy Ravens locker room overtaken by Ray Lewis huffing Deer Antler spray. Kaepernick uses his leprechaun magic to run past opponents. San Fran wins 28-18.”

Brian Martin: “Ravens 30 Niners 17. Two, what I would call, AFC upsets in a row. They are on an offensive roll. (editor’s note: Giants, an NFC team, actually won last year.”

Kyle Anderson: “49ers 28-24. They’ve been calm and cool all week; no videotaping coming off the plane, business-like. Kaepernick provides a solid performance.”

Jesse Crowe: “49ers 17-10 because I’m a Raiders’ fan and they share the same bay. Also, Vijay Singh and David Booth are using all Ray Lewis’ Deer Antler Spray.”

Chad Pieper: “I am going with the Ravens winning big over the 49ers 31-17. Too much experience on the Ravens. John shows Jim who’s the best Harbaugh.”

Ed Huber: “49ers all the way, 34-21. Kaepernick is amazing and is possible the second coming of the best QB ever – Tom Brady.”

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