BOOMER TALK: Read the directions

Note to self: In the future, photograph everything purchased before taking it out of box.

Recently, I purchased a group of four phones.  We no longer buy a phone, we buy groups of them.

The compartmentalized packaging made it challenging to unpack the phones.  Every individual part of the box had a little tab that slid into a small slit-type opening that did not want to willingly slide out.  I used a knife.

Then, everything inside was wrapped up in either cardboard or plastic, with the plastic seemingly almost glued to the phone body.

I used a flashlight to find the end of the plastic.

All of the cords were wrapped tightly with black wires, the same colour as the cords, therefore making it almost impossible to see where you begin to untwist the wire.

How do they manage to do this leaving only a tiny little end of the wire from which to grasp and unwind?   I used pliers and tweezers and a very bright light.

The sales clerk said that I had 15 days to return them and that they would have to be returned in the same box.

Really? I’m thinking a Rubix cube would be faster to figure out than how to repackage the phones and their various components.

Note to self:  In the future, photograph everything purchased before taking it out of box.

After about half an hour, I managed to pry them from the box, peel off the plastic, remove the batteries from little plastic bags, unwind the cords, plug in the teensy weensy battery plug, carefully snapping on the back cover and then setting them in their bases.

I looked at them all lined up on the kitchen counter and my mind went back in time to the days when you didn’t have to build the phone yourself, or read directions as to how to use them.

You plugged them in, the phone would ring and you would say “hello.” Easy-peasy.  Sigh.

The old phones that were being replaced had talk and off buttons.

You know – phone rings – you press talk.  You finish talking and you press off.

But the new phones require you to push Flash  in order to answer it when it rings and to hang it up, you push the button that says Back on it.

I can hardly wait to tell my friends that I’ll be flashing them when they call me.

That mental image alone may discourage them.  But maybe I could answer by saying “Woo Hooooo – it’s me dahling”.

Granted the phone buttons have a tiny (emphasis on tiny as in eensy weensy)  little symbol of a phone in a facing upward position (flash)  and then another symbol of a phone in a facing down position (back).  But you’d need a 7X magnifying glass to see them.

I find it perplexing that the phone comes with an instructional booklet, but when you buy a computer there are no instructions whatsoever.

But, I digress. Just prior to purchasing the phones, I bought myself a new hair dryer; the type that curls and blow-dries at the same time.  (is there a plan that all these things stop working simultaneously – have they made a pact or something?)

Lots of instructions with the hair dryer too. (computer people are you paying any attention to this?)

My whole week was ruined when I read, “do not use while sleeping,” because I really had planned on doing my hair while I was sleeping.

Think of the time it would save.

They also told me I couldn’t use it while bathing — really?

Never mind fear-based society – can we say stupid?

Well, it is basically fear-based as stupid people do these things and then sue the manufacturers of these devices, apparently winning.

Can we say financial exploitation?

Oh-oh,  gotta run,  the phone is ringing and I have to go and flash the caller.

Carole Fawcett is a counsellor, clinical hypnotherapist and freelance writer.



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