In case you didn’t get a good enough dose of blood-soaked bone crunching during the summer in Conan The Barbarian, here comes Immortals –– a 3D movie with a blueprint resembling 300, but with a thick layer of cheese all its own.
Visually, Immortals is a beauty –– vivid and jammed with visceral wonder, there are few movies out there as good looking as this one.
The problem is, there isn’t a whole lot more to this. Of course, if your prime reason for buying a ticket is to have limbs and goop flying out at you:
A) Seek therapy, and soon.
B) Enjoy. Here’s the gem you’ve been waiting for.
Henry Cavill (future Superman) plays Theseus, a peasant whose village is being targeted by King Hyperion (a hammed-up Mickey Rourke), who has declared war on mankind.
Theseus puts up a good fight, but loses both family and friends to Hyperion and his army. With vengeance fuelling him, Theseus seeks out (with help from the virgin oracle played by Freida Pinto) a sacred bow with special powers that will help him battle Hyperion in the war to end all wars. Or something like that.
Again, Immortals isn’t likely to disappoint action fans who enjoy a little edge to their entertainment, as the plentiful battle scenes (although there are lulls in between) come complete with head smooshing and impaling galore. In 3-D, no less. But director Tarsem Singh is so obsessed with creating a visual goodie, he abandons the art of storytelling early on in this one.
The feature is currently playing at Galaxy Cinemas in Vernon.
–– Jason Armstrong is the longtime film reviewer for The Morning Star.