Leonardo flashes you his baby blues in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Leonardo flashes you his baby blues in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Reel Reviews: It’s cowabunga time

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back on the big screen

  • Aug. 15, 2014 11:00 a.m.

Cowabunga pie.

New York is being terrorized by a mysterious gang of criminals known as the Foot Clan. Fluff news reporter April O’Neil (Megan Fox) wants to do serious stories and gets her chance when she witnesses masked vigilantes foil a Foot Clan robbery.

But will anyone believe her tales of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

We say, “Kids aren’t going to mind that this is a terrible movie.”

HOWE: Luckily for me I was just past the age mark that I didn’t have to witness the original TMNT back in 1990, unlucky for me I had to sit through the reboot. Why couldn’t it come to the Galaxy theatre a week later, that way I would have missed it due to being away camping? The only good thing about it compared to other comic book movies is that it’s only an hour 30 long, but saying that, I’m not going to get that time back.

TAYLOR: I worked at the Towne Theater in 1990, so I saw the original many, many times. It was a superior movie. This film is poorly written, acted and filmed. I jotted down a couple of my favourite bad lines: Head baddy Shredder, (think of a Samurai in a robot suit) says near the beginning of the film, “No one will stop us in our plan to retain victory.” Secondary baddy Sacks, (William Fichtner) threatens the turtles, “We will drain every last drop of blood (to get the mutagen) even if it kills them.” Thing is, although this movie is downright stupid, the target audience isn’t going to notice.

HOWE: That’s the best thing about it. If you’ve got kids that are too young for Batman, Avengers or Xmen, then TMNT is a good place to get them started on comic book superhero movies. You won’t see anybody getting shot, stabbed or beaten to a pulp, instead they seem to taser them. I don’t know if that’s a plus or not. The language is easy to understand and there’s no convoluted storyline for kids to work out.

TAYLOR: Agreed, it’s not complicated, it’s just pointless. The film is frantic, flashy and most of the camera work is hand-held, which makes for a jittery viewing experience, something that works well when you are Saving Private Ryan on the beaches of Normandy, but not so well when filming a conversation in an office. However, as may be clear by now, this film is high on style and low on concept. There are no valuable lessons to be learned here. With Megan Fox as the main human in the story, what more needs to be said?

— Taylor gives Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1.5 bowls of soup out of 5.

­— Howe gives it 2 slices of pizza.

The film is currently showing at the Galaxy Cinemas in Vernon.

— Brian Taylor and Peter Howe review films for The Morning Star on Fridays and Sunday.