Benjamin Walker swings an axe in the film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Benjamin Walker swings an axe in the film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

REEL REVIEWS: This vampire sucks

Morning Star reviewers less than impressed with handling of historical figure

  • Jun. 29, 2012 8:00 p.m.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter follows the life of America’s 16th president.

Life is hard in 1818 for the young boy, let alone witnessing his best friend get beaten, his father losing his job and his mother dying at the hands of a monster. Young Abe swears to get even.

Fast forward nine years and Abraham (Benjamin Walker) is still waiting to gain his revenge. Enter Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), a man with a secret. Henry tells him that America is being overrun by vampires, and he needs Abraham’s help to destroy them once and for all.

Will Abraham save mankind? Will we find out Henry’s secret? and did they really wear sunglasses in the 1800s?

We say see it if you’re a sucker for vampire movies.

HOWE: The Hangover is one of Mr. Taylor’s all-time favourite movies.

Because he complained that they made such a hash of the second one, he has decided to go to Vegas to make a remake of the sequel, so I am joined by my daughter’s boyfriend, local real estate agent and all round nice chap, John Dent. So John what are your thoughts on the Abe Lincoln movie?

DENT: To be honest, Abe was a failure.  If they were looking for hilarious because of the plot holes and poor acting performances, they have a knock out summer hit.

But I’d run across a herd of stampeding horses to never have to see or hear anything of this movie again.

So what did you learn fellow movie enthusiast?

HOWE: Well, they never taught me that Abraham Lincoln had a part-time job hunting vampires as well as running the country in history lessons when I was at school.  Maybe it was written down in that big book of secrets that was passed down from president to president that Nicholas Cage is searching for in National Treasure 2.

DENT: I thought they were searching for some Aztec temple?

The movie felt like a bad Glee mashup song.  You have two interesting movie ideas; vampires controlling the slave trade and Abraham Lincoln’s rise to the White House and then the Civil War.  They’re two concepts best left on their own.

HOWE: I found only two good things about this movie. The 3D was one of the better ones I have seen this year and the special effects were good. I don’t even know where to start with the bad, it’s that terrible. The plot was silly, the script seemed to be written by a child and the acting was atrocious. Wait a minute, there was one other good thing, when the credits went up at the end.

DENT: I took my 3D glasses off too soon.  The credits nauseated me. I agree with your compliments. The special effects and 3D were good though many of Abe’s feats, while rendered beautifully, were ridiculous.

Sadly, George Lucas already proved special effects don’t make up for a bad movie.

Dent gives Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 1 silver pocket watch out of 5.

Howe gives it 1.5 pairs of sunglasses out of 5.

The feature is currently playing at Galaxy Cinema in Vernon.