“First of all, we would both like to personally thank the Hollywood Foreign Press, because that’s apparently what everybody has to do when they’re giving a speech. We would also like to thank everybody in the audience for coming out today. This includes all parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers current or past, and coaches tall and short. We know there are many of you here from out of town, and we appreciate you being here to bear witness,” said Janssens.
“To bear witness to a celebration. A celebration not of birth, nor of marriage, but of endurance and victory. The endurance it takes to run, full bore, for 12 years straight without stopping, and the victory that comes along with it,” said Heaton.
“School, to a student, is like a novel. Every year another chapter, every sentence an occurrence, and every word a thought. We have been writing these books for 12 years. Twelve years of brilliance, creativity, and more than occasional writer’s block. Yet the words continue to flow onto the pages of our individual novels,” said Janssens.
Heaton adds: “Everyone writes their own books. Some of these books are educational, others are action thrillers, but for most of us these books are romantic comedies where the guy doesn’t actually end up getting the girl but at least he had fun along the way.”
“There are many changes in these books. For example,” said Janssens.
“Ashton finally learned what proper footwear looks like,” said Heaton.
“Callum became a strongman,” said Janssens
“Cole went from being ‘that one guy with glasses’ to being ‘that one guy with a soul patch,’” said Heaton.
“Isaac didn’t buzz-cut his hair one year, instead he got some gel and never looked back,” said Janssens.
“Izzy finally learned what sarcasm is,” laughed Heaton
“And the big three learned to face their fear of cooties and sit with the girls at lunch,” chuckled Janssens.
“However, some things remain the same,” said Heaton.
“I will always be able to pull off a man bun, I hope,” said Janssens.
“Kim is still a redneck,” said Heaton.
“Tyson still makes a once a month gym appearance,” said Janssens.
“Reid still has no filter whatsoever,” said Heaton.
“Dalan and Ms. Wall are still best friends,” said Janssens.
“Izabella still can’t park a truck,” said Heaton.
“Nathan still has a beard,” said Janssens.
Adds Heaton: “Ty has maintained the same haircut since birth.”
“And J.J. you still got the best moves in school,” said Janssens.
“The length of these books may vary as well,” said Heaton. “Some people might stop writing halfway through the 11th chapter and immediately start to work on the sequel, and some of you may come back to write a 13th chapter. But for most of us, it was 12. And the book is almost complete as we approach the last sentences of the final chapter.”
“It is now that we might look back on these past 12 years and realize how much the world has changed and how much we’ve seen. For Example, If anybody had come to me in my childhood and mentioned the word “yeezys” I probably would have taken it as an insult,” said Janssens.
“Remember slap on watches? The most fun you could have with that was to turn your arm red seeing how hard you could slap it onto your arm, and now all of a sudden, it’s a computer?” said Heaton. “Remember when “Gangnam Style” was a thing? Do you remember walking into school on a brisk December morning in 2012, scared because you thought the world was going to end? Give us the same scenario now and we’d all be overjoyed.”
“It’s been a pleasure and a privilege to have witnessed these changes with all of you. You have all endured so much over the years, and we both would like to congratulate you all on making it over the hurdles, we are thankful to everyone here. We would like to take a pause for Miles as we celebrate this day with him in our hearts. You’ve all taught us so much over the past five years. For example,” said Janssens.
Heaton adds: “Rumsey showed me how to get my exceedingly long hair into one of those head towel thingies.”
“Abbey taught me that it is possible to score on your own hoop during a basketball game,” said Janssens.
“Riley showed me just how quickly a simple trip to the recycling bin can turn into falling down a bank and accidentally throwing your shoe in the creek,” smirked Heaton.
“Jordan taught me every word to AC/DC’s “Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution” along with some legendary air guitar moves,” said Janssens.
“A certain someone who shall go unnamed for liability reasons taught me exactly how to completely miss the thing you are trying to cut and stab yourself in the hand with an Exacto knife because apparently, scissors are a hoax,” said Heaton.
Adds Janssens: “And Ryan taught me how to be fashionably late with no shoes, no shirt and how to still get service.”
“Grads of 2018 the time has come for us to write the conclusions for our great books and look towards the sequel, and possibly a trilogy (those are normally the best sellers and turn into movies),” said Heaton.
“As with all great stories do not forget the characters who seemed to play the minor role or where the first book took place. Also, remember the lessons that were written between the lines. Everything that we’ve learnt over the last twelve years will be what enables us to accomplish our future goals,” said Janssens.
“Class of 2018…. We did it! It’s time to make the world ours and accomplish our goals, so let us throw our hats to the sky with these final words,” said Heaton.
The pair concluded: “Dilly dilly.”