I need a haircut. Now that’s hardly headline news. Or even fodder for a column, you would think, although if your eyes have ventured into this space in the past there may have been even more dubious topics discussed, so you never know.
Now if you look at the picture next to this sentence, you might think I don’t spend a ton of money on haircuts, after all what’s the point? There ain’t much there. And this photo, some have pointed out on occasion, isn’t that recent, so likely there’s even less hair involved.
And if there happened to be a picture taken from above my head next to this sentence, you’d think the forehead that’s so big it’s more like a fivehead is the least of my worries.
I remember watching a wedding video, oh some 19 years ago or so, and there was this part where the bride and groom kneel down and the videographer caught this display from above and behind. I actually wondered who the old guy was that was marrying my wife until I realized the bald-spotted fellow was me. Ohmygawd, why didn’t someone tell me it was that bad? Since then I don’t think I’ve had to witness any more such horror shows, so I’m fine. Denial is a truly wonderful thing. And so are baseball hats.
A former reporter here at The Morning Star used to loudly proclaim – “Who are you kidding?” – every time I came back from a trip to the barber and my head wasn’t completely shaved off, which is the look he favoured. That’s not why he is a former reporter here by the way. I’m not that petty. It’s just he was a folically challenged fellow as well and was kind of daring me to go for it too, likely for my own good, but I favoured, and still do, just a conservative trim that at least keeps some hair up there.
However, I’ve been tempted lately, as combing my hair seems ever more pointless (not that I’m attempting a comb-over or anything like that), and a recent study has come to light that Tim may have been right all along, which I kind of secretly suspected anyway.
Which brings me to the point of all this rambling. You knew it would happen eventually, right? However maybe you didn’t think you had to wait until the second column. Oh, well.
A headline in Thursday’s Morning Star Daily proclaims, in bold, capital letters (well, all their headlines are in bold, capital letters if you must know) that BALD MEN APPEAR STRONGER, MORE MANLY, STUDY FINDS.
That last line’s not a headline from the Daily by the way. That’s my reaction, written in caps for effect but I dropped the bold so you could tell it wasn’t a headline.
The story goes on to say that in one study subjects looking at pictures of men declared the shaved-head men more dominant. The second study was even better news in that pictures of the same men, only with digitally-altered shaved heads, were also seen to be more masculine and much stronger, although older.
Hey, you can’t have everything. Besides my grey hair makes me look older anyway.
But think about it. Michael Jordan, Bruce Willis, Andre Agassi, even Telly Savalas – all baldies and all strong, masculine guys that command a ton of respect.
I’m pretty sure these guys would do OK with hair too but it’s certainly not hurting them and the study goes on to say that apparently it’s the association with the military and sports that helps the look command respect.
Besides if you’re balding anyways why not go for it? Instead of trying to hide something you’re insecure about, instead it’s taking a bald, er bold, step forward that shows guts (not to mention more of your head) and apparently inspires deference.
So apparently it’s a no-brainer, right?
And I do need a haircut…..after all, who am I kidding? Well, me, that’s who.