I’m in the process of applying for a new job.
It’s not that I don’t like my current duties, but the opportunity for great pay, lots of travel and making a difference is difficult to turn down.
Yes, I could be a senator.
However, before I start packing my bags, I have to get through the application process initiated by the Independent Advisory Board for Senate Appointments.
First off, I hope they weren’t counting how many times it took me to create an account with a six-character password. I guess I wasn’t using enough capital letters, numbers, explanation points and dollar signs but I finally struck pay-dirt on the sixth attempt.
Now once you get into the meat of the application, the questions and answers are rapid fire:
n Preferred language: Fuddle duddle
n Disabilities: Selective hearing and foot in mouth disease (perfect attributes for a politician).
n Place of residency: B.C. but I will be from what ever province the prime minister wants me to hang my hat from.
In part three, you are told that, “applicants must demonstrate outstanding personal qualities, including adhering to the principles and standards of public life, ethics, and integrity.” I’m in the media, of course I have ethics and integrity.
Applicants must also demonstrate a solid knowledge of the legislative process and Canada’s Constitution, including the role of the Senate as an independent and complementary body of sober second thought. No more rye and Coke for me.
They then move on to the qualifications related to the role of the Senate. Applicants must have, “a high level of experience, developed over many years, in the legislative process.” Does zoning out during stimulating city council debates count? Maybe I should send a photo of Fred Flintstone staying awake by prying his eyelids open with toothpicks.
The next stage is the curriculum vitae.
Obviously some will question why I would make a good senator, but keep in mind that Pamela Wallin and Mike Duffy also started out as journalists. Look at how well they have done keeping the Senate in the news.
And if 26 years as a reporter doesn’t cut it, the rest of my resume should dazzle them. In between debating legislation and critical social issues, I can mow the lawn on Parliament Hill or dust off my picking bag if the governor general grows apples.
Not surprisingly, this process also requires references — three of them. If you feel so inclined, give me a call.
Now just so you know, this isn’t the first time that the prospect of being a senator has come up.
I lobbied Darrel Stinson for years when he was MP, but obviously he couldn’t convince Harper. Maybe it was all of the columns I wrote slamming Steve?
But I’m not giving up this time. I have dusted off my high school essay writing skills and am in the midst of inking a 1,000-word personal statement describing how I best meet all of the qualifications.
I am committed to representing British Columbians and Canadians, and I can’t do any worse than the current bunch in Ottawa.