Let’s MOOve on with the times

Resident proposes a change to the government for transparency

Should you live long enough, you will discover that words that you grew up with have completely changed their meanings.

Here I speak of transparency.

Transparent, in a political sense, now almost invariably means“opaque. So one must accept that the archaic term transparent is obsolete and move with the times.  Similarly, obscurity now replaces clarity. Potential voters should take note of this.

In view of recent political scandals, I am proposing what some may consider a somewhat radical solution. Create, at the federal level, a Ministry of Opacity and Obscurity, (MOO).

The principal duty of the minister of opacity and obscurity would be to read all e-mails and other documents backwards, from the last paragraph up to and including the first.

That the minister had done so, would be confirmed by the deputy minister and assistant deputy minister.

This procedure would avoid the recurrence of an unfortunate recent lapse by an official, who failed to read the last paragraph of an e-mail as revealed in recent legal proceedings. From the voter’s viewpoint, it seems desirable that documents, particularly those that affect the taxpayer, should be read in full: the final paragraph in my experience often contains such details as summaries and conclusions.

These of course may be unpalatable to MOO and the minister may not wish to know of them.

For this dilemma I also have a solution.

To deal with sensitive or embarrassing documents, a new department would be created within MOO.

This department would be run by a deputy minister of oblivion and obfuscation (DMOO), whose main function would be that the documents routinely submitted after perusal by MOO were properly obfuscated and consigned to oblivion before any ensuing election.

On a provincial level, the cost of instituting these new ministries might be avoided by letting an existing department take on equivalent duties.

In Vernon, for instance, the duties of DMOO could be assumed by the Ministry of Transportation. Its recent handling of the Cosens Bay Road and Stickle Road issues seems to show some expertise in this field.

And then there’s accountability.

But that’s another story. Accountability sounds good, but is almost impossible to establish, since like the tent caterpillars we see daily around Vernon, they are liable to build thick cocoons of impenetrable litigation.

So, let me make myself totally obscure…

James Seaton

Vernon