As I’ve stated before at this time of year I’m not that good at Halloween. It’s more the dressing up in costume that I’m not good at as I always give it a half-hearted attempt and end up going as a hockey player or something like that.
I’ve regaled you before about winning the most confusing costume at a Halloween party once, which was a politically correct way of saying worst.
It didn’t help that I left half the costume in the car due to being shy or chicken or something to that effect.
My kids are getting too old to worry about what they’re going to go as this year and I don’t have any Halloween parties to go to, being the old, boring person that I am, so I’m kind of off the hook.
I mean I guess I could dress up for the kids that come to the door Wednesday night but that takes a bit of effort on my part, which I’ve already stated doesn’t come easily for me even when I have a real party to go to, soooo…..
….but it’s not for a lack of ideas on my part.
I mean I could go as NHL president Gary Bettman and proclaim “unfortunately there won’t be any hockey in November.”
That’s pretty scary.
Although that ‘trick’ might not go over too well with any hockey fans that come to the door.
And if they aren’t they might not recognize who I was trying to be and just think I was dressing up in a suit and tie for the heck of it.
I could dress up as a hockey player and hang a ‘locked out’ sign around my neck or ‘gone to Russia’ sign but again that might be confusing to the non-hockey fan.
And there’s nothing worse than trying to explain what you’re dressed up as, talk about lost in translation.
I could go as Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney but again I don’t know if the kids would recognize me and I don’t know if I could pull off a President Barack Obama costume.
Even keeping it closer to home in politics likely wouldn’t work as a Stephen Harper mask might not cut it with the kids either as he’s not that recognizable either.
One of my kids is into that Walking Dead show on TV, so I could go as a zombie but I’ve been accused of sleepwalking through life like one before so that might be a little too close to home for comfort.
Besides, I like my ketchup on my fries, not my thighs.
I could also go as a smart meter or an oil pipeline, both of which seems to scare a considerable number of people. But, again, tons of effort required and the response would again likely be quizzical looks.
Maybe a land shark, perhaps. But again if I have to explain to the kids about the Saturday Night Live reference from the 70s, all is lost once again. And I haven’t watched it lately to know of any more modern-day characters. It is still on, right?
I guess I will just answer the door Wednesday night dressed as a rather harried, rather hairless middle-aged man who’s coping the best he can with all modern life has to throw at him.
That, I can pull off.
Happy Halloween everyone.