MITCHELL’S MUSINGS: In the spotlight

Royal family takes time to consider the latest media scandal

Scandal can hit anytime, anywhere, especially now with the Internet and camera phones and instant everything, not to mention a media that jumps on everything in a nanosecond, and then maybe asks some questions later.

We bemoan that our politicians and celebrities don’t say anything worthwhile or stimulating or even anything that goes against the latest polls, and then on second thought marvel that they dare say anything non-scripted for fear of slipping up and going viral.

Modern times, indeed.

So I have a lot of sympathy for those in the spotlight these days. It’s easy to poke fun and mock, see late-night TV, but all of us screw up all the time, it just doesn’t go viral. Well, hopefully not. Having said all that, as I tell my kids, stuff happens, and life can’t always go smoothly but what’s more telling is how you react to the bumps along the way.

When you trip up, dust yourself off, take a minute if you need one, and get back in the game. Stuff happens to the best of us.

You know, like the royal family who has had its share of highs and lows lately.

And, just for you, I happen to have stumbled across a tape of a secret family meeting the Queen called to establish some damage control, that also happens to illustrate my point perfectly. Ahem.

It goes something like this:

Queen: OK, I think we all know why I called this emergency meeting of the royal family. In light of recent events I think there’s one message that has to be relayed so that we don’t escalate the situation any more. Or worse, suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune sometime in the future as well.

Prince Philip: “Isn’t that Shakespeare?”

Queen: “Why yes it is dear but I got this one OK?

Prince Philip: “Yes, dear.”

Queen: “So, I think, we can sum up what we need to do in one quite simple sentence – Can we please just keep our shirts on from now on?”

Philip: “And pants.”

Queen: “Thanks honey. Good point but I believe I have this under control.”

Philip: “Yes, dear.”

Queen: “Right, now does anyone have any questions about what should be common sense but apparently needs to be reinforced at this time due to extraordinary circumstances?”

Prince William: “But, Grandma, it was in the middle of nowhere and it was a private spot and how are we supposed to know…..

Queen: “I’ll stop you right there, you actually are supposed to know no matter where you are, we are the royal family and the paparazzi are out to get us. I’m pretty sure I’ve covered that at previous meetings such as this one.

Prince Harry: “But how did someone get that close to me with a cell phone, what about security?”

Queen: “Do you really want to go there son? You actually believe that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, when you happen to be a member of the royal family?”

Prince Philip: “Well said, dear.”

Queen: “Thanks honey. But I’m on a bit of a roll here if you don’t mind.”

Prince Charles: “With all due respect, um mom, it’s not the first time we’ve had a little bit of bad ink.”

Queen: “Ahem. You’re saying that?

Charles: “Right, never mind.”

Queen: “So, family, all that goodwill we built up over the last little while, what with the Diamond Jubilee and the London Olympics, was slam dunked by ill-advised and unacceptable behaviour in Vegas and France. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to keep our clothes on in the future and try to remember who we are and what we represent, now is it?”

Harry: “Slam dunked, Grandma?

Queen: “I believe it’s a basketball phrase. I can be hip too. I trust everyone understands it. Meeting over. Now someone get me some tea.”