If laughter is indeed the best medicine out there, please keep reading for some of the funniest sports quotes from all over in 2013. And have yourself a fabulous 2014.
– “The NFL is prepared to move the Super Bowl to another day if snow threatens the game. The Pope sent a tweet that read, ‘Don’t even think about Easter’.” – Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, Calif.
– “Three thoughts from Paul McCartney on sitting through a Nets-76ers game:
3. Is Prokhorov back in the USSR?
2. I’m not half the fan I used to be;
1. It’s been a hard day’s night.” – comedy writer R.J. Currie.
– “I heard Rolex makes nice watches.” – Brendan Gallagher to new Montreal Canadiens’ teammate Michael Ryder upon giving Ryder his jersey number, 73.
– “We’ve actually been telling Patty to grow up for years. He brings his Legos on the road.” – Jason Pominville, Buffalo Sabres captain, on his suspended teammate Patrick Kaleta.
– “I think Bonds would do better in Ruth’s era than Ruth would do in Bonds’. Of course, they wouldn’t have let Bonds play in Ruth’s era.” – Dave Trembley.
– “According to (Seattle T-Birds’ coach Steve) Konowalchuk, the reason (Scott) Eansor switched jerseys to start the third is because he threw up on himself at intermission.” – Tim Pigulski.
– “I’ve got a plan to stop him, it’s called a machete. Plan B is a machine gun!” – Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson on how to shut down Cristiano Ronaldo.
– “If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear.” – Kobe Bryant of the Lakers.
– “She begins every interview with ‘I’m so happy. I’m so lucky’ – it’s so boring. She’s still not going to be invited to the cool parties. And, hey, if she wants to be with the guy with a black heart, go for it.” – Serena Williams hits out at Maria Sharapova’s romance with Bulgarian player Grigor Dimitrov.
– “If she wants to talk about something personal, maybe she should talk about her relationship and her boyfriend who was married and is getting a divorce and has kids.” – Sharapova on Williams’ relationship with French tennis coach Patrick Mouratoglou.
– “We want football players – not fashion models. Last year he had more hairstyles than goals.” – In ruling out signing Kevin-Prince Boateng, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho underlines that he always favors brawn over beauty.
– “We beat a team that is no more than a group of buddies who were rejected because they couldn’t play rugby in New Zealand, and they had no choice but to switch to soccer.” – Real Madrid legend Hugo Sanchez endears himself to a nation by arguing that it would be a mistake to get too excited by Mexico routing the All Whites 9-3 on aggregate in their World Cup intercontinental playoff.
– “He does not like anything about the game except getting paid.” – Former St. Louis Rams’ GM Billy Devaney, on former Rams first-round draft pick and current Oakland Raiders offensive tackle Alex Barron.
– “Luckily, I have my wife and two kids. If left alone in Blackburn, I’d have already hanged myself.” – Former Blackburn Rovers defender Gael Givet rules himself out of the running for a job with the Lancashire Tourist Board.
– “Homers, bro. Chicks dig the long ball. Score ‘em all, bro. Just be the chauffeur, driving them home.” – Nick Swisher.
– “When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately – unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.” – Dick Butkus of the Chicago Bears.
– “I walk into the clubhouse today and it’s like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the seventh inning he’d already drunk it.” – Tommy Lasorda.
– “Some guys score and some guys don’t. We got a lot that don’t.” – Detroit Red Wings’ coach Mike Babcock.
– “I think Bruce Bochy is similar to Earl Weaver when it comes to the idea of giving away outs. From the moment he arrived with the Giants, he told me he hates the bunt. He almost hates to have the pitcher bunt.” – Jon Miller.
– “Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken.” – Devils’ goalie Martin Brodeur.
– “Is he going to want to still kick [in MMA]? I wouldn’t want to kick anymore after that. So he should come to boxing. Ain’t no kicking in boxing.” – Roy Jones Jr. isn’t letting something as trivial as UFC star Anderson Silva’s horrific leg break get in the way of their proposed boxing match.
– “I don’t train to look good in the mirror. I train to make improvements in my game.” – Chicago Blackhawks’ d-man Duncan Keith, one day before stopping a shot with his face.
– “One has more expenses for the hairdresser than the other.” – FIFA president and long-time foot-in-mouth disease sufferer Sepp Blatter makes headlines once again after being asked to compare Cristiano Ronaldo with Lionel Messi.
– “Maybe they should go back to wooden sticks.” – Winnipeg Jets’ goalie Ondrej Pavelec, on the proposal to shrink goaltending equipment.
– “The TV guys aren’t too bad but the newspaper guys are always the worst. They are all soccer guys and they don’t really know what they are talking about… Thank goodness everybody speaks English or else I would be in real trouble.” – former NHL linesman Lyle Seitz, director of hockey operations for the Erste Banke Ice Hockey League in Austria.
– “I’m way past the point of appreciating them,” Quinnipiac Bobcats’ head coach Rand Pecknold on Vernon Viper grads Connor and Kellen Jones, star forwards in NCAA Division I hockey.