I’ve discovered the secret to losing weight.
After nearly 40 years of research, experimenting with nearly everything on the market from Atkins to South Beach, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Belly Fat Diet Cure, Keto and plain old-fashioned starvation, it now seems remarkably simple.
I even once created my own special diet, the Alphabet Diet. In this easy-to-follow plan a person eats everyday only things that begin with the same letter.
So, A is for apples and arugula and angel hair pasta. B is for bread, bananas and blueberries. C was the fatal flaw – chocolate, cheese and Chardonnay. Now that’s a letter hard to turn away from.
January is naturally a month when thoughts turn to life improvements and changes. It’s time to be the New You. As if there was something inherently wrong with the Old You.
We are bombarded with commercials, articles and social media ads promoting miracle weight loss, to say nothing of the advertisements for diet drugs and pricey exercise equipment that’s going to look fabulous in front of the house during September’s annual yard sale.
This is not about health. It’s not about body size.
The weight loss industry is about profit, and it is estimated its tricks and persuasions cost Canadians $7 billion each year.
It’s ironic, as one considers there are 49 million people, globally, at risk of death from famine.
Imagine scribbling down the number for Jenny Craig while sitting on the couch alongside a family from Yemen.
The Alphabet Diet is free, by the way.
Moreover, the weight loss industry is generally unregulated, paving the way for charlatans to make fantastic claims and promises without guarantees or accountability.
Twenty-first century snake oil and is much covered by the asterisk proceeding the phrase “results vary.”
It is also, literally a treadmill.
According to a 2018 article in Psychology Today, commercial weight loss programs often encourage unhealthy practices and they almost never work. When they do, participants usually gain back the weight in a short period of time.
Obesity defined by Body Mass Index charts, as opposed to the covers of magazines, is a medical problem with roots in innumerable causes.
If you are concerned, start with your doctor. That is also, happily, free.
It’s not the secret, though.
As previously noted, I’ve been doing this most of my life. The last time I owned anything remotely resembling a ‘bikini body’ Justin’s father was Prime Minister.
I’m comfortable in my skin.
Old habits die hard, though. One compulsion I’ve not been able to irradiate is the need to step on the scale twice a day: first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Without fail I weigh two pounds less each morning, than I did the night before.
It doesn’t make any sense, except that a person can’t eat when she’s unconscious and naturally – as per Psychology Today – I gain it back over the course of the next 16 hours or so.
It’s a fun way to start each day, however. And it’s free.
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