I’ve always had a fascination with the ongoing, never-ending nature vs. nurture debate.
Or maybe it’s environment vs. genetics or parenting vs. peers, but you get the idea–it’s about why we turn out the way we do.
I mean my brothers and I were all raised the same way, relatively speaking, but we are quite different in personalities, interests and even career choices (ahem).
We certainly are also similar in many ways, some even positive, but I would say are more different than alike, except two look alike enough that they occasionally get mistaken for each other (not me, I must take after a shallower part of the genetic pool or something).
Now I’m a pretty big believer in birth order having a huge effect.
Apparently all, if not most, American presidents are first-born. Donald J. Trump is not (in fact he was fourth out of five) but then that might not be the thing he’s most remembered for when his time in the White House is documented.
But most first-borns are natural leaders, doers, a little on the selfish side (after all it was all about them for at least a year or two), confident, tense and ambitious as their parents have high expectations for the person who changed their world so dramatically.
The second born are a little more relaxed (their parents realize it takes a lot to kill them, unlike their fears and anxieties with the first one), a little less ambitious (okay, the second one is still a miracle birth but maybe not quite as much as the first one so expectations are lessened a little) and often a peacemaker if there are more kids to follow (guilty of all three by the way).
The baby is just that, the most spoiled and possibly most loved, still somehow they turn out okay and semi self-sufficient.
Anyway, this is mostly subjective and anecdotal and are hardly fast and hard rules to how we are all going to turn out in the end.
My, sorry make that, our boys are decent human beings. People describe them as polite, friendly ‘nice’ boys who love their sports and music, and as my wife likes to proudly boast “aren’t in trouble or in jail or anything.”
Maybe we should set our sights a little higher but they are well on their way to being quality human beings in what increasingly looks like a difficult world.
We take pride in our small role and wish them well but we also know it’s a crapshoot in raising kids.
Like me for example.
I was a good kid who also loved sports and music. In fact my desire not to get in trouble was so strong I was likely too good and likely missed out on too many things in life.
Okay I was a suck, deal with it. I was a bit less of a suck later in life, thank goodness.
Anyway one anecdote from early in life, upon reflection, kept me on the straight and narrow path.
One Saturday morning, after YBC bowling at Lincoln Lanes, I set out on the long walk home to East Hill.
These days that would be considered child abuse, but then it was fine, as we only had one car, and four kids, and it wouldn’t kill me, etc.
I was kind of hungry and had no money, which was kind of odd when I think about it as I always had money thanks to having a paper route for most of my childhood.
So I entered the downtown Safeway with shoplifting on my mind, even though I don’t think I’d ever tried it up to this point in my life of nine or 10 years.
So I was a bit of a rookie at it. I must have cased the chocolate bar aisle for at least 20 minutes as I worked up the nerve to actually do it and decide which kind of bar was going to leave the premises in my pocket.
And then I pounced. I put the bar in my pocket and headed quickly down the aisle for the door and the great beyond past those automatic doors.
Except I didn’t even get past the aisle as a guy with a tie (I don’t know what else he was wearing) said: “Why don’t you put that back where you got it and get out of this store.”
“Okay,” I obeyed, realizing I’d also been cased for the last 20 minutes but grateful he didn’t bust me all the way to the cops.
Despite my best intentions, my goodie two shoes reputation was intact and I never tried to shoplift again.
So, in hindsight, he may have saved me from a life of crime.
What if my pathetic attempt at thievery had actually been successful? And led to even bigger things like graffiti and vandalism and bootlegging and…the sky’s the limit really, and then I could have passed that trait on to my kids.
So I’d like to thank my parents, teachers, siblings, friends and the guy with the tie for making me the man I am today.
roger@vernonmorningstar.com
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